One day later - still flying
Monday, January 31, 2011
Good God?
I was born Hindu and raised Catholic and had a tonne of Muslim friends. What does that do to someone's conscience? If you ask me I would say - it F(*&s you up! Let me explain why:
In Hinduism there is no concept of heaven or hell. Sex is great.. we even have a manual to help you if you aren't too happy in that department. We were one of the first countries to have natural contraceptives, though our population is a thorough question mark on that discovery. We think child marriage is fine but not widow remarriage. Our God's have had pre-marital and extra marital affairs. Some of our great epic figures are born illegitimate. Stripping has been a common theme since Mahabharata. Our temples are adorned with naked and half naked women dancing. So really compared to Catholicism we are just a religion on a constant overdose of Viagra.
Now Catholicism. You mate to pro-create. You do not use contraceptives because that just means you are a murderer (regardless of whether you have a child at 16 that you cant support.) Affairs of any kind are bad. You should feel constant guilt whether you do something or you don't. No seriously, there is a prayer that goes "... I have sinned through my own faults. In my thoughts and in my words. In what I have done and in what I have failed to do." See the obvious genius of it?
That leaves someone like me very very confused. So if I was supposed to meet guests at home for lunch and instead ended up meeting a friend who is dear to me what should I feel guilty about.. what I did or what I didn't do? Turns out - both! I have been battling with this feeling of intense guilt for so long about so many things that don't even matter. I just want to be that girl who genuinely doesn't give a tiny rats ass but damn (?) that conscience.
In Hinduism there is no concept of heaven or hell. Sex is great.. we even have a manual to help you if you aren't too happy in that department. We were one of the first countries to have natural contraceptives, though our population is a thorough question mark on that discovery. We think child marriage is fine but not widow remarriage. Our God's have had pre-marital and extra marital affairs. Some of our great epic figures are born illegitimate. Stripping has been a common theme since Mahabharata. Our temples are adorned with naked and half naked women dancing. So really compared to Catholicism we are just a religion on a constant overdose of Viagra.
Now Catholicism. You mate to pro-create. You do not use contraceptives because that just means you are a murderer (regardless of whether you have a child at 16 that you cant support.) Affairs of any kind are bad. You should feel constant guilt whether you do something or you don't. No seriously, there is a prayer that goes "... I have sinned through my own faults. In my thoughts and in my words. In what I have done and in what I have failed to do." See the obvious genius of it?
That leaves someone like me very very confused. So if I was supposed to meet guests at home for lunch and instead ended up meeting a friend who is dear to me what should I feel guilty about.. what I did or what I didn't do? Turns out - both! I have been battling with this feeling of intense guilt for so long about so many things that don't even matter. I just want to be that girl who genuinely doesn't give a tiny rats ass but damn (?) that conscience.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
What brings on the blues?
Lately, in spite of not being under optimum conditions I have been very optimistic. Its strange but I think its human nature. Its like a survival mechanism - similar to you forgetting some of the sad incidents in your life and selectively remembering the happier ones better. But, I was not always like this. So what were/are the things that make me sad?
Right on the top of my list is a love story with a lot of potential that does not go anywhere. Nothing pains my heart to see all that time, energy and happiness end. This could be for me personally or my friends. I like to believe that I can understand almost any kind of heartbreak and can definitely give you very good bad advice if you come to me. I can make the best drinking companion or just someone who will keep you busy and your mind occupied.
Another thing that really makes me sad is having expectations dashed. This is one thing I just don't know how to deal with. I remember as a child I was really looking forward to playing tennis one Saturday because the guy I had a crush on would see how much better my serve was. He would of course then proceed to mock me which I would secretly enjoy. However, my dad came home and declared that he didn't feel up to it. I was never very good at pushing my agenda so I let it be. But a part of me really dies everytime I build up scenarios in my head and they are crushed before their fruition. Another incident that comes to mind was fairly recent. It was going to be one of those last dinners in a romantic restaurant before we saw each other again. I wanted to wear a very pretty yellow dress because he loves the colour yellow. I had it all planned. However, last minute he wanted to go shopping for gifts. By the time we came back it was too late to change and we just got in the cab and left. It was such a small thing but just the fact that I ended up going to dinner in worn out jeans and a shabby sweatshirt made me so mad I had two drinks to calm me down.
Nothing makes me more mad than someone asking me to do something. This could be as trivial as making me drink water, or making me wear something I don't want to wear. Ask my mother what a tantrum I used to throw as a kid when asked to do something. I think being a contrarian has a huge role to play in this. The minute someone tells me to do something - I either stop (if I was midway,) or I completely ignore what is being said. There is one exception - my job. I will listen to every detailed instruction when I am at work.
People who ask me to come back to reality - Here is what I have to say to you: I see how miserable most of you are. Can you please just let me be?
Music snobs, intellectual snobs, fashion snobs, political snobs - Gave me goosebumps just typing this!
People who asked me whether I was older than J - Umm first - get glasses. Secondly, none of your damn business. Thirdly - I get that I may look older than someone who is 26 but what I don't get is how you can think or say things that make you seem younger than 6!
Not exercising - Haven't we all been there? K= 1/2mv or e=mc2. For me its all the way downhill when I have too much energy and too little to do.
PMS - No explanation required.
P.S. I feel particularly light after writing this post. Maybe someday there will be a sequel because this list is not exhaustive!
Right on the top of my list is a love story with a lot of potential that does not go anywhere. Nothing pains my heart to see all that time, energy and happiness end. This could be for me personally or my friends. I like to believe that I can understand almost any kind of heartbreak and can definitely give you very good bad advice if you come to me. I can make the best drinking companion or just someone who will keep you busy and your mind occupied.
Another thing that really makes me sad is having expectations dashed. This is one thing I just don't know how to deal with. I remember as a child I was really looking forward to playing tennis one Saturday because the guy I had a crush on would see how much better my serve was. He would of course then proceed to mock me which I would secretly enjoy. However, my dad came home and declared that he didn't feel up to it. I was never very good at pushing my agenda so I let it be. But a part of me really dies everytime I build up scenarios in my head and they are crushed before their fruition. Another incident that comes to mind was fairly recent. It was going to be one of those last dinners in a romantic restaurant before we saw each other again. I wanted to wear a very pretty yellow dress because he loves the colour yellow. I had it all planned. However, last minute he wanted to go shopping for gifts. By the time we came back it was too late to change and we just got in the cab and left. It was such a small thing but just the fact that I ended up going to dinner in worn out jeans and a shabby sweatshirt made me so mad I had two drinks to calm me down.
Nothing makes me more mad than someone asking me to do something. This could be as trivial as making me drink water, or making me wear something I don't want to wear. Ask my mother what a tantrum I used to throw as a kid when asked to do something. I think being a contrarian has a huge role to play in this. The minute someone tells me to do something - I either stop (if I was midway,) or I completely ignore what is being said. There is one exception - my job. I will listen to every detailed instruction when I am at work.
People who ask me to come back to reality - Here is what I have to say to you: I see how miserable most of you are. Can you please just let me be?
Music snobs, intellectual snobs, fashion snobs, political snobs - Gave me goosebumps just typing this!
People who asked me whether I was older than J - Umm first - get glasses. Secondly, none of your damn business. Thirdly - I get that I may look older than someone who is 26 but what I don't get is how you can think or say things that make you seem younger than 6!
Not exercising - Haven't we all been there? K= 1/2mv or e=mc2. For me its all the way downhill when I have too much energy and too little to do.
PMS - No explanation required.
P.S. I feel particularly light after writing this post. Maybe someday there will be a sequel because this list is not exhaustive!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Movies I love and Why
Memoirs of a Geisha - It was the first time I watched a movie with a guy (who was bored out of his wits.) I loved the movie because I watched it right after I read the book. True story - I met the guy on a train while I was reading the book and then on our second date we went and watched this movie.
Hum- It was the first movie I watched on big screen. I cried, wailed but nothing would get me out of the big, black hole with huge bollywood stars dancing every few minutes. Very painful and memorable.
Mr and Mrs Iyer - The movie that drove home to me the abomination violence really is. Very well made. The locales were very familiar to me. Quintessentially a cross-over movie with great understated characters. I love Rahul Bose and the fact that in the movie he was a photographer won it a great many brownie points.
Love Actually - Amazing! Enough said.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - The Indian saga that at some point or the other had every one of the 1.17 billion crazy about at least one character in the film. Dont deny it! The songs, Rani's lil skirts, SRK in the rain (mmm delish) and Kajol in her sarees. So so unforgettable.
Silence of the Lambs - First watched it when I was 5 and found it disturbing. Of course since I was in India it was heavily edited so I missed most of the real parts. Watched it again last year and could not sleep for a couple of nights only.
This next one is random:
Mummy (pt 3): loved this movie for reasons the director would never be able to guess. Went to watch it at 9 in the morning on a Sunday with a bunch of friends and one special friend. Movie was so bad but I will never forget laughing so hard that it made it worth the 2hrs and $4 that we spend on it :)
Kung Fu Panda - There is no price for awesomeness!
All Quentin Tarantino movies for obvious reasons
Vicky Christina Barcelona - Such a good sketch of life as we know it.
Amores Perros - Will never get this movie out of my head. Had to go for a stroll and drinks after this movie.
Wall-E - Awwww... (its the only time in my blog I am allowed to say this.)
Shrek - Awww... (ok so this is the last time.)
Namesake - Watched this movie with my mom and it changed my perception of so many things that we take for granted in life. Probably the only movie that is better than the book. Such natural actors and so well picked. Once again the characters were very close to home and that made it special. For anyone looking for an intelligent film that does not leave you exhausted and drained - don't think twice.
Hum- It was the first movie I watched on big screen. I cried, wailed but nothing would get me out of the big, black hole with huge bollywood stars dancing every few minutes. Very painful and memorable.
Mr and Mrs Iyer - The movie that drove home to me the abomination violence really is. Very well made. The locales were very familiar to me. Quintessentially a cross-over movie with great understated characters. I love Rahul Bose and the fact that in the movie he was a photographer won it a great many brownie points.
Love Actually - Amazing! Enough said.
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - The Indian saga that at some point or the other had every one of the 1.17 billion crazy about at least one character in the film. Dont deny it! The songs, Rani's lil skirts, SRK in the rain (mmm delish) and Kajol in her sarees. So so unforgettable.
Silence of the Lambs - First watched it when I was 5 and found it disturbing. Of course since I was in India it was heavily edited so I missed most of the real parts. Watched it again last year and could not sleep for a couple of nights only.
This next one is random:
Mummy (pt 3): loved this movie for reasons the director would never be able to guess. Went to watch it at 9 in the morning on a Sunday with a bunch of friends and one special friend. Movie was so bad but I will never forget laughing so hard that it made it worth the 2hrs and $4 that we spend on it :)
Kung Fu Panda - There is no price for awesomeness!
All Quentin Tarantino movies for obvious reasons
Vicky Christina Barcelona - Such a good sketch of life as we know it.
Amores Perros - Will never get this movie out of my head. Had to go for a stroll and drinks after this movie.
Wall-E - Awwww... (its the only time in my blog I am allowed to say this.)
Shrek - Awww... (ok so this is the last time.)
Namesake - Watched this movie with my mom and it changed my perception of so many things that we take for granted in life. Probably the only movie that is better than the book. Such natural actors and so well picked. Once again the characters were very close to home and that made it special. For anyone looking for an intelligent film that does not leave you exhausted and drained - don't think twice.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Gitanjali vs Gigi
Gitanjali: I just want to go home and live with my parents.
Gigi: I have to find a job and make it on my own dammit!
Gitanjali: I hate drinking.
Gigi: I normally don't drink Cabernet from the bottle but today...
Gitanjali: I want to nest. Have my own house, cat, husband, babies, walk-in closet and cooking range
Gigi: I can't decide whether I want to be in DC or Delhi, SF or Bangalore. In fact right now homelessness sounds dandy!
Gitanjali: I feel at peace, connected to the One, ready to share my joy!
Gigi: Peace, joy, the One!! What were your parents on when they had you?!
Gitanjali: There can be no movie better than Love Actually ever!
Gigi: Kill Bill - O! yeah!
Gitanjali: I need a massage, a haircut and a good vegetarian brunch.
Gigi: I need a drink. Make that two!
Enough said.
Gigi: I have to find a job and make it on my own dammit!
Gitanjali: I hate drinking.
Gigi: I normally don't drink Cabernet from the bottle but today...
Gitanjali: I want to nest. Have my own house, cat, husband, babies, walk-in closet and cooking range
Gigi: I can't decide whether I want to be in DC or Delhi, SF or Bangalore. In fact right now homelessness sounds dandy!
Gitanjali: I feel at peace, connected to the One, ready to share my joy!
Gigi: Peace, joy, the One!! What were your parents on when they had you?!
Gitanjali: There can be no movie better than Love Actually ever!
Gigi: Kill Bill - O! yeah!
Gitanjali: I need a massage, a haircut and a good vegetarian brunch.
Gigi: I need a drink. Make that two!
Enough said.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
People Who Made Me What I am
1. My Mom - She is insane. No, I am serious. Thanks to her I had to develop a sense of humor to survive. I learned the art of self defense didn't always have to be violent. I learned that cooking is the best and most unconditional thing you can do for someone else. I also learned that a smile can get you places :)
2. My Dad - He wasn't around all that much after I turned 16. But he shows me everyday what unconditional love and faith is. He makes most of my mistakes seem trivial even if they are blunders. He can forgive me for anything. He hates boys who come near me and my sister and has on certain occasions threatened to shoot them. We love him, our BF's not so much. He is a true model of self sacrifice and patience - though he is on pressure meds.
3. Miss Clarence - In first grade I was deaf because of my tonsils. I recovered in the second grade. However I never reached my true potential till 5th grade when MS Clarence first allowed me to speak in public. After that there was no looking back. My confidence grew manifold and I never shivered while speaking in public. Sometimes I prefer speaking to a room full of people rather than one person across the table.
4. My Sister (Pushpi) - She came into my life when I was 6. I remember my Mom being really big and me being embarrassed about her coming to my boarding school to drop me off. I asked her not to. Then this cute, angelic, burping and farting baby came into my life. I used to be a sulky only child. The slightest things would agitate me and I could go for days without speaking to people I was angry with. But once my sister was born all I had to do was run to her crib whenever I was angry. I would wake her up and make her cry but she loved me. I was underweight and she was overweight - a huge problem when I tried carrying her. Sometimes I would hand her a begging bowl and pretend that I was pushing her around asking for alms. It always cracked me up because she was conditioned to this one song (Buddham Sharanah Gachchami) and would automatically start begging when I sang it. Once my Mom caught me and to my great relief joined in the act. Pushpi brought so much happiness into my life and still is the one person who can make me laugh and cry most intensely. My Dad won't admit it to me but my sister has him on a really tight leash :)
4. Neville - He was a couple of years older than me. We met and met again. Each time we met I thought it was for the last time. Then came the day when it really was for the last time. Our time together was a roller-coaster. On the one hand he boosted my self worth and then singlehandedly diminished it again. But I grew up so fast. I learned so many new things. I don't particularly wish the same thing on me again. But he did show me for the first time what people meant when they said - I love you!
5. Farheen, Deenaz and Megan - My besties at work. People I could say anything to and not be judged (well most of the time.) In their defense I could say some pretty shocking things. Farheen - ever sensible showed me what professionalism meant. She was my support system through some really hard times. Deenaz - closer to my personality. We did all the fun things dance, go out, meet new people, drink.. you get the picture. Megan - such a bag of surprises. Made me laugh at some of the most outrageous things. Closet comedienne and flaming socialite (she won't admit to this one.) Has a husband and a dog :)
6. Jayadev - I know, I know you have been waiting for this one! I don't know how to describe him other than to say he is perfect to a fault. His hair is styled with painful attention to detail - it takes him an hour to get dressed. His every word in an email is read over and over again to the point that you think he is writing to the Prime Minister - turns out he is framing a reply for some random mail on the misc-india or misc-hyd mailing list. All of you who have ever read an email from him know what I am talking about. He runs every morning. He has the best posture in the world. Every step of the way he makes me feel inadequate and flawed. Except that (at least I think so) he has eyes for no one else :) His sense of humour though initially hidden is outrageous. For anyone who doesn't believe me ask him to do his Borat impression. Still can't understand what he thinks I am!
7. Devin - Just someone who has a lot of faith in me.. once said I should run a small country.
8. Alice - Showed me how friendship was possible between two very different people. I can't begin to state the differences. Always the hostess with the mostest. A perfectionist in everything and one of the most beautiful people I know. My life in Monterey would have been very different if not for her.
9. Elizabeth - A friend who is now engaged to be married. Someone I will always be grateful to for the first few days in the US. She was the best representative for this country!
10. Vasini and Shivani - Partners in crime :)
11. Dr Gita Sen - Inspiration!
There are people whose name I haven't mentioned here. Mostly because words just don't do them any justice. I am so lucky to have you all in my life. I learn something new from you everyday!
xoxo
2. My Dad - He wasn't around all that much after I turned 16. But he shows me everyday what unconditional love and faith is. He makes most of my mistakes seem trivial even if they are blunders. He can forgive me for anything. He hates boys who come near me and my sister and has on certain occasions threatened to shoot them. We love him, our BF's not so much. He is a true model of self sacrifice and patience - though he is on pressure meds.
3. Miss Clarence - In first grade I was deaf because of my tonsils. I recovered in the second grade. However I never reached my true potential till 5th grade when MS Clarence first allowed me to speak in public. After that there was no looking back. My confidence grew manifold and I never shivered while speaking in public. Sometimes I prefer speaking to a room full of people rather than one person across the table.
4. My Sister (Pushpi) - She came into my life when I was 6. I remember my Mom being really big and me being embarrassed about her coming to my boarding school to drop me off. I asked her not to. Then this cute, angelic, burping and farting baby came into my life. I used to be a sulky only child. The slightest things would agitate me and I could go for days without speaking to people I was angry with. But once my sister was born all I had to do was run to her crib whenever I was angry. I would wake her up and make her cry but she loved me. I was underweight and she was overweight - a huge problem when I tried carrying her. Sometimes I would hand her a begging bowl and pretend that I was pushing her around asking for alms. It always cracked me up because she was conditioned to this one song (Buddham Sharanah Gachchami) and would automatically start begging when I sang it. Once my Mom caught me and to my great relief joined in the act. Pushpi brought so much happiness into my life and still is the one person who can make me laugh and cry most intensely. My Dad won't admit it to me but my sister has him on a really tight leash :)
4. Neville - He was a couple of years older than me. We met and met again. Each time we met I thought it was for the last time. Then came the day when it really was for the last time. Our time together was a roller-coaster. On the one hand he boosted my self worth and then singlehandedly diminished it again. But I grew up so fast. I learned so many new things. I don't particularly wish the same thing on me again. But he did show me for the first time what people meant when they said - I love you!
5. Farheen, Deenaz and Megan - My besties at work. People I could say anything to and not be judged (well most of the time.) In their defense I could say some pretty shocking things. Farheen - ever sensible showed me what professionalism meant. She was my support system through some really hard times. Deenaz - closer to my personality. We did all the fun things dance, go out, meet new people, drink.. you get the picture. Megan - such a bag of surprises. Made me laugh at some of the most outrageous things. Closet comedienne and flaming socialite (she won't admit to this one.) Has a husband and a dog :)
6. Jayadev - I know, I know you have been waiting for this one! I don't know how to describe him other than to say he is perfect to a fault. His hair is styled with painful attention to detail - it takes him an hour to get dressed. His every word in an email is read over and over again to the point that you think he is writing to the Prime Minister - turns out he is framing a reply for some random mail on the misc-india or misc-hyd mailing list. All of you who have ever read an email from him know what I am talking about. He runs every morning. He has the best posture in the world. Every step of the way he makes me feel inadequate and flawed. Except that (at least I think so) he has eyes for no one else :) His sense of humour though initially hidden is outrageous. For anyone who doesn't believe me ask him to do his Borat impression. Still can't understand what he thinks I am!
7. Devin - Just someone who has a lot of faith in me.. once said I should run a small country.
8. Alice - Showed me how friendship was possible between two very different people. I can't begin to state the differences. Always the hostess with the mostest. A perfectionist in everything and one of the most beautiful people I know. My life in Monterey would have been very different if not for her.
9. Elizabeth - A friend who is now engaged to be married. Someone I will always be grateful to for the first few days in the US. She was the best representative for this country!
10. Vasini and Shivani - Partners in crime :)
11. Dr Gita Sen - Inspiration!
There are people whose name I haven't mentioned here. Mostly because words just don't do them any justice. I am so lucky to have you all in my life. I learn something new from you everyday!
xoxo
Friday, January 21, 2011
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