Monday, October 31, 2011

The Sweetest Text You Ever Received

For me it was the 10 days that we were separated for in 2008. He sent me one reason everyday- one reason he loved me. The one on the 10th day blew my mind. Best separation ever :) 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Just Your Regular Sweet Nothings

Me and Shady have a HUGE fight in Chi. It is epic. It is all because he wanted to go running for 15 mins before we headed out. We were already late. I really wanted to see the city. He wakes up at 11.30 and goes: I am going to write a paper, work out, take a shower, eat lunch and then show you around. I go storming out of the door.

Later Mike acts as duck tape and brings all of us together. At this time the sulker in me is having multiple orgasms because I haven't had so much to sulk about in ages. Still giving the boys my somewhat silent treatment. This is one conversation I remember:

Me: (Gazing away at the city skyline)
Shady: (A little scared about approaching me, knows I am crabby crabbyson)
Shady: (Bites the bullet. Thinks its best to try and get shot down than not try at all)
Shady: What are you thinking about Boo?
Me: (Calmly) It is illegal
Shady: O! God. That was quick. You must really be thinking about killing me seriously.

We both burst out laughing. It is exactly what I was thinking about.

#laloca

Things That Keep Me Up At Night

Everyone is going all braveheart on the Republican nominees and their ridiculous opinions. Now they found some support from an unlikely source - Pat Robertson. I hear Jon Stewart and a lot of my friends on Facebook going - well if Pat Robertson says you need to tone it down you must really need to fucking tone it down. 

That doesn't make any sense. Here is why:

Pat Robertson thinks homosexuality and bestiality are one and the same thing. They are not. 

Pat Robertson thinks that Haitian's sold their souls to the devil to buy their freedom from France and their payment was extracted in the form of the devastating earthquake. They did not and it was not. 

Pat Robertson is a raging lunatic. 

He is the opposite of someone whose opinion should be quoted.

If he asks the Republican nominees to shut up - they shouldn't. They should do the opposite. 

The only reason the Republican nominees like Rick Perry should shut up is if sensible people ask them to shut up. If they aren't listening to the voices of reason why on earth would they listen to the senile voice of Pat Robertson. 

It is a little bit ridiculous that this is keeping me up at night!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Crazy Lady Attack

I woke up this morning to a couple of rather ridiculous/slanderous comments on my blog from an obviously cccrraazzayyy lady from Cupertino, CA, whose name is... wait for it... Gitanjali! She also goes by Gigi. For a second I was like.. What Would Don Draper Do?

She was bat shit insane. Like way way out there whacko. I am talking T-Rex on cocaine insane! I guess i made my point. Must control tiny fists of fury!

So CL/ T-Rex as she shall hence forth be known is at least older than 50. But, she thinks that her computer which was hacked at some point had material very similar to what she see's in my blog. Kinda weird since she is at least double my age if not more. So I have concluded that it could be one of three things:

1. She has never ever ever heard of a namesake and doesn't believe people can have similar experiences or,
she has wayyy too much time on her hands to Google not just her name but also her nickname



OR - THIS SEEMS MOST LIKELY

party-fails-doctors-orders-hoegaarden-sounds-good

This will explain why I have disabled comments on my profile. As my environmental econ prof used to say - don't indulge the crazies with argument they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

A Letter To My 16 Year Old Self

Hi Gitanjali,

I am writing to  you from the future. I/you are now 9 years older and none the wiser. But, there are things that I think I can tell you that might make things easier for you. 11th grade is going to be hard. It's ok to not have friends or make friends with people you have nothing in common with. Studying science is going to be a struggle. Home life will also be a struggle. But after all these struggles you will have come out a much stronger girl.

Try not to live anyone else's dream. Clearly you missed the boat when it came to studying for medical school. Let it go and pursue something else. Don't dwell on it. You will be your own force of nature in your own way one day.

No matter how much weight you lose at this age it will not help your self confidence. You could be the prettiest, skinniest girl in the class but the only way you will make friends in your new school is if you are completely soulless. You aren't. Also losing a lot of weight is just going to make you sick. So eat all the delicious food that was denied to you in boarding school and be happy.

Two years from now you will meet a boy who will break your heart. It will seem irreparable but that is just the beginning. Don't think you can be a man. You are sensitive and you should embrace it. Whoever hurt you should know they hurt you. It is not a sign of weakness. Nothing is a sign of weakness other than keeping yourself shut and trying to manipulate your feelings to seem like something you aren't.

You won't meet many other men before you meet the right one. That is about 6 years away. But that is ok. You will still have questions about men and always be hauntingly suspicious and demanding. Embrace it because someone else will embrace that about you. Someone will embrace all your imperfections.

That stupid itch that you have before exams when your entire body swells up is a psychosomatic reaction - hives is what they call it in the US. That will go too :)

You are so beautiful and so clueless about your radiance. Try to maintain that and remain naive. No matter how much people try to show you the dark side of the world. Sometimes naivete is what it takes to make a regular day seem extraordinary and a regular life seem fulfilling.

Don't hate on your Mom so much. You are more like her than you think.

Love,

Gigi



Monday, October 17, 2011

Even Peace Maybe Purchased At Too High A Price

I grew up with a lot of Tibetan friends. I am still good friends with most of them and through them I have met some beautiful people. This article about Tibet (it will always be Tibet to me) makes me sad: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/18/world/asia/ninth-tibetan-a-nun-immolates-herself-in-anti-china-protest.html?ref=world



Sunday, October 16, 2011

Weekend Shenanigans

What a great weekend this has been! It reinstates my belief that girls are so much fun to hang out with. Yes we are!

Friday night: Got off from work on a not so high note. Rushed to the metro. Saw a guy with a ukulele that had a feather on its back on the metro. He was playing and tuning the thing with so much enthusiasm. The thing is - it wasn't making any sounds. NBD. Got off at Chinatown and for some reason I felt completely lost. Met my friend at gallery place and soon three of us were headed to watch Moneyball. Those critics who reviewed the movie must not have watched it on a Friday night after a week of work. Also they could not have been sober. Also, I think they were all living under rocks for the last 20 years. It was an ok movie at best. It was such an OK movie that I didn't care enough to wait for the entire movie to end so I could go pee. After that we went to dinner and spend the entire conversation talking about hauntings and ghosts. It was really freaky. Ended up deciding to go on a day trip to Harper's Ferry the next day. Also, were too scared to walk/metro back home alone so we all got in a cab till J's car and then she dropped us home.

Saturday: Got in a ridiculous misunderstanding with my Dad. Cried for 2hrs on the phone with my Mom. It was a beautiful day so I got my act together and left the house on time to meet K at Silverspring for our road trip. Ok, it was just supposed to last an hour. But, the weather was soo brilliant and our conversation was so engaging that we overshot one exit by 30 miles. Then, neither of us had a smart phone or a GPS. Called The Boy from Hancock. No, I still don't know where that is exactly. He gave us directions which was through some of the most charming places I have seen in the US. We stopped at Historic Boonsboro. Disclaimer: From this point onwards most towns will be referred to as Historic. Got some apple cider, peach butter and honey. Took some pictures. Got back in car and drove. Reached (Historic) Harper's Ferry and still couldn't find it. Drove up to (historic) Bolivar. Drove back down to Harper's Ferry. Its a realllllly small but beautiful town. Situated at the confluence of the Shenandoah and Potomac rivers, it is really gorgeous. Little shops that sell cute souvvenirs and roughly two restaurants and THREE ice creams shops. Its all very charming. Bought little Wood Wick candles that crackle when they burn and smell like pine forests. Had dinner then headed to our haunted tour. That ended at 10 in the night and we drove back to DC.

Sunday: Went to Cox Farms for pumpkin picking! Yay. So grateful to experience fall in all its glory. Ate too much but also walked around a lot. The fresh air seems to make me really happy. Also being in green, open places reminds me a lot about my childhood days growing up in the tea plantation.




The best part about the weekend was being able to use my camera which has been lying around hibernating. Here are some pictures :)   

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Free Sex

O! You wish! This post has NOTHING to do with sex. The reason I called it that is because I checked my analytics data for the last few months and noticed that the post "Hardcore" had the most number of visitors. It also *shockingly* had the highest bounce rate. O! they must have been SO disappointed when they read the post. So this is a dig at all you peops looking for porn and landing on this blog.

Ironically enough this blog is about the latest book I am reading (which also has nothing to do with sex... yet.) Its the autobiography of Gandhi called "Gandhi- An Autobiography. The Story Of My Experiments With Truth." So far its uninspiring. Though I might have just left it at a very critical juncture and so my follow up comments maybe drastically different. Anyway, for those interested I can give you a gist. Gandhi was a very very boring young boy, if such a thing be possible. Apparently he never lied. He was from a vegetarian family but ate meat because he thought it would make him strong enough to oust the British from India (endearing!) He got married at the age of 13 and I think had sex right about then too. He refers to himself as a very lusty young boy. I think he also fathered a child when he was in his teens. His wife had one miscarriage before their first born.

The tone of the book is somewhat contrived. Maybe that was the requirement back in the day. He seems to be trying to be very honest but I find some of the examples disturbing. There are numerous incidents of him ending up in whorehouses and being completely dumbfounded and shocked and ashamed and never participating in anything "sinful." Commendable... but I have met boys who are as naive as they come who haven't ended up with prostitutes as many times as Gandhi had. Suspect. Maybe its just the girl in me thats suspicious of this repeated folly. I am a stern believer that if you make a mistake once - you are about average. You make it twice - you probably are a slow learner. When you make the mistake a third time - you ought to go to hell in a hand basket.

Academically too he isn't all that I imagined him to be. Seems like a confused youngster who went to England and spent his family's money on clothes and trying out different kinds of vegetarian food and travelling and eating atop the Eiffel tower. All I am going to say here is: glad he got that out of his system so he could concentrate on more important things later in life - unlike our ministers in India today. O! for those of you wondering - no he didn't go to either Oxford or Cambridge. In fact he never even graduated college. He took the bar and became a barrister.

How did he end up in South Africa? Because he couldn't find any employment in India. On his return to India he seems to be stuck in between fancying himself an Englishman but being of Indian blood. This seems to hinder his progress in Bombay as a barrister. Also I have to mention that after all the money, time and effort his family puts into him he is unable to speak in the court of law! Obviously its a problem if you want to be a lawyer but cant speak up. So he heads to South Africa,

Another bone of contention I have to draw with him is: it seems like his wife is always an afterthought in his life. And I mean - ALWAYS. None of his decisions involve her. It seems to me that the only times he remembers her are when he ends up in compromising situations with prostitutes.

Phew! Had to get that out of my system. What do you know... this post has more about sex in it that I thought it would. I will post my reactions about the book more often. For those of you wondering - I am still a Gandhian. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Men.. le sigh!

Background - Me trying to tell a story while the boy is completely jet lagged. He keeps falling asleep and I keep trying to wake him up. Telling him about my get together with two of his guy friends from high school - N and T. Both very heterosexual south Asian men.

Me: So then T and N and me went for a walk.
BF: hmmm... (clearly disinterested and half asleep)
Me: We bought a tonne of groceries.
BF: hm.. (hhmmss are getting shorter)
Me: We made truffles for dessert for thanksgiving
BF: (no response)
Me: Then N f***ed T.
BF: (Eyes shot wide open)

On repeating the story to the two men T and N

T: Lol.. what?
N: Ok, I need to know.. who F***ed whom?



Things I Want To Bitch About

First, people who have lame blogs (similar to mine) but proceed to publicize it with great gusto on Facebook.
Second, people who then comment on the sheer genius of these lame blogs thereby encouraging said lame blogger even more.
Third, people who make spellings bloopers in official emails. Even while using Outlook.. the damned thing has a spell checker for crying out loud!
Fourth, People who borrow money and never return it.
Fifth, those who expect you to entertain them and constantly say: I am bored. I am restless. Here is what I have to say to you - get a life, an imagination or at least a home entertainment system.
Sixth, people who talk to themselves while working in a small office space- ALOUD! Egad!
Seventh - couples who constantly talk about each other in front of each other to a third person.
Eighth - people who repeat the same stories everytime you meet them. I will excuse people who are above the age of 70 who do this. Everyone else - I have a healthy intolerance for repetition. By which I mean I could at some point be guilty of assaulting a repeat offender.
Ninth - those that start pinging/IM'ing and after the first 'hi' just disappear. Are you doing this for laughs? No, seriously... what would you do if I showed up at your door, rang the doorbell and ran away and hid?
Last (for now) people who try to walk faster than me. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? You know I can't bear to be the slow walker. Even if I am walking home after a 10hr work day. So if you walk faster than me I will have to run. Then you are just going to think I am bonkers! This is such a lose lose situation.




Sunday, May 22, 2011

Things I Learned In The Last Few Years

These are the things I learned since I moved to the US:

1. Doing my own laundry
2. Avoiding talking to people while doing laundry
3. Eating by myself- alone
4. Eating by myself even when people around me aren't eating
5. Not getting shocked at people who eat without offering
6. Drinking to get drunk
7. Getting groceries, cooking and doing dishes
8. Sucking it up!
9. Checking www.weather.com like a pansy everday
10. Sending cards to people who matter
11. Saying thank you (more than neccessary)
12. Breakfast can be had for dinner
13. Making a cheesecake and making crepes
14. There is no such thing as too much exercise
15. There is no such thing as too much food
16. There is no such thing as too much...
17. Ice-cream can be had with root beer though it makes both of them taste disgusting
18. A hike is a really tough walk
19. Sometimes shoes and bags can cost more than jewelry
20. Everything is recyclable and disposable

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Ball Inside The Nail Polish Bottle

As a child I always waited for my Ma's nail polish to run out so I could empty the bottle and find that little enigmatic ball that made an irresistible ticking noise when I shaken. Little did I know that nail polishes never run out. They either dry up or get old and boring.

I would wait for that half glass of Fanta or Coca Cola post-lunch on winter afternoons with unparalleled anticipation and excitement. They were special because we couldn't buy them at any store in India and my uncle would have to sneak it past customs when his ship docked in one of the ports. Now I worry about the high fructose corn syrup in my soda and can't remember the last time I had a soda.

As I crawled into bed in school I always snuck in my story book and read it with my torch light till I ran out of batteries (which was always too soon.) Then I waited for the matrons to go to bed and read under the night light. Now, taking up a book and reading it is an ordeal. Mostly because the last few books I read (Atlas Shrugged, A Fine Balance and From Beirut to Jerusalem) have transported me to another world, but not quite the world I lost.

When someone told me I had a bad sun burn I would check in the mirror to try and see what they saw. I never realized whether they were right or wrong. Today I apply sunscreen before leaving the house and carry a tube in my bag.

Mango shakes in the evenings have been replaced by adult shakes at Ted's Bulletin. Mommy's pizza has been replaced by Papa John's. Long drives have been replaced with long metro rides. So much of the child in me is gone that sometimes the memories feel like the little ball inside the nail polish bottle. They tick if you shake the bottle but thats the only remnant.


Sunday, April 24, 2011

Blurring Boundaries

I went to boarding school when I was 4 till I was 16. The first day my parents left me I had no idea what I was up against. I imagined they would be back to get me after dinner but that didn't happen. Then I thought I was in some sort of hotel and they would come back the next day - that didn't happen either. The next time I saw my parents I had completely forgotten to communicate in my mother tongue. I could still comprehend conversations but had lost the ability to respond in Bengali. Then I went home for a holiday and came back to school. This time I knew what I was in for. However, I also remember trying to be so strong and never crying in front of my parents but waiting till they left. The one thing in those days that always stood out to me was the ceiling in school. At home we had flat ceilings and since my school was in the mountains the ceilings were wooden and slanted. I remember the utter feeling of desperation when I would wake up at 6 in the morning to the bell and seeing the slanted ceiling. Some nights I would dream that I was at home and upon waking up the ceiling would be shake me back to reality.

Then I moved away from home and started working. These dreams still continued though they were less frequent and I kept waking up to reality. However, in the last one year the dreams have almost completely stopped. I realize that even recreating home in my head has become too painful. However, today in the afternoon, after brunch with my flat mates family I came back and took a short nap (aftermath of the Saturday night shenanigans.) Its getting really hot in DC and today was about 85 degrees at home. So I woke up with a big smile thinking that I was in India. And then... I looked at the ceiling. After 21 years I felt exactly what I had felt as a 4 year old on March 12, 1991. 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

More Dreams

On a completely unrelated note I have been having a lot of dreams that have blood in them. For eg:

1. Dreamed that I was on a passenger ship with my sister that was taking us from some place in Europe back home. It was terrible. Fishermen and fish everywhere. Then I saw a fisherman with a massive hammerhead shark. He cut into it and blood splattered everywhere including the touristy t-shirst in the store.

2. I dreamed that a child-hood friend of mine was annoying me so much I put a fork through him. Blood spilled everywhere.

I need to stop dreaming. Its getting on my nerves. 

Hardcore

Is what I used to be. This is my blog and I am allowed to brag. However, there is a point to all the bragging.

When I was in 10th grade I was awarded the All Round Best Student of my graduating class. I won 15 certificates of merit from Economics to English. From Best Speaker in a Debate to Best Elocutionist. From Basketball to Table Tennis. I got the over all certificate for General Proficiency reserved for the valedictorian of the graduating class. I was sports vice-captain in 9th grade and captain in 10th grade. At an assembly I started the school anthem.

In 11th and 12th grade I studied - physics, chemistry, biology and mathematics (with English and Bengali.) I was also studying for my medical entrance exams which meant three more classes of higher level physics, chemistry and biology. I debated with college students and helped out at an old age home. I played tennis and basketball. I had a surgery, PTSD, followed by some more handicaps that I can't care to talk about here.

In college, I studied - Economics, Literature, French and Education. I graduated with Honours. Top 5% of my class. I played basketball for my college and a club. I won best speaker at one of the most prestigious debates in India. I was President of the Student Council. Nominated as President of the Debating Society and Games Society. Through my first year I was still preparing for pre-med so I had another year of physics, chemistry and bio with econ, english and education. I ran 3 miles a day and did yoga 4 times a week. I swam 3 times a week. I started dating someone 10 years older than me and managed to keep things steady. I also worked at an old age home and did some content writing. I went on to work for Google.

During my Master's degree I studied 22 units per semester. I had a 20hr/week job. I was constantly applying for internships and jobs. I was in a long distance relationship. My first semester I walked 5 miles back and forth from school after I had run 5 miles in the morning. I interned at the Centre for Public Policy in India.

Now - I am burnt out. I am just exhausted mentally and physically.

However, today I met someone who inspired me. I was at a party with my friends from my grad school and this person blew my mind. Lets call the person "C." C was fit, funny and ferociously ambitious. Reminded me a lot of myself. C is easy to talk to and so so good with giving advice and tips that are career related. If I had to put my finger on it I would say that C has what it takes to rule a small country. C makes me want to rule a small country. I feel some of that old fire creeping back one flame at a time. I needed this unhealthy dose of go-getter juice. I think this is going to keep me on my toes for a while.

I have decided to be unabashedly, shamelessly ambitious. Today I made the decision that I AM going to be successful in every area of my life - career and personal. I will not choose and I will excel. Someone's got to be at the top - why not me? 

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Let Go

417 11th Street, NE,
Washington DC, 20002

Time: 1.06 A.M.
April 10, 2011

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My Surfacing Subconscious

I am known for my vivid dreams. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep and didn't watch an entire Hollywood blockbuster in my sleep. But last night was just plain disturbing. I am blogging about it because I just need to get it out of my system. Interpretations (sensible ones) are welcome.

I dreamed that I was on a houseboat that looked like a modified raft. It was barely in one piece. It was my wedding day. The groom was yet to be decided. I saw some men from my life there but none of them were attired to be the groom. Suddenly I saw an alligator/crocodile/water monster slowly gliding towards the raft. It was peaceful but once it came close to the raft and heard the noise it got agitated. In retrospect it kind of looked like the minotaur in water. Anyway, it started attacking the raft and to pacify it I jumped into the water. For some reason I had on hiking boots with my wedding trousseau and I took off those boots and started hitting the monster on the head with it. It still didn't harm me. But my Dad jumped in and it hurt my Dad. After a while the monster left. Everything was in shambles but the wedding had to go on. Until I realized, horror of horrors, I was going to marry my Dad. Why? Because I owed it to him for fighting off the monster.

This dream is disturbing on so many different levels. When I woke up I felt like I had been through the Crusades. Still exhausted and probably really going to regret this public display of my subconscious mind soon.


Friday, April 1, 2011

Will He? Won't He? Does He? Doesn't He?

Of late a lot of my girl friends have been going through phases. It goes something like this:

Found him
Met him twice
Got over him

Of course being girls it is not as simple as all that. I should know! In those three phases we give away such a huge part of ourselves that it takes a while to salvage all the broken pieces together. I had a cardinal rule book when it came to men. Here are some of the rules in the book:

1. Never ever feel bad for a boy. This is the trickiest one. We women are so easily drawn into men who have some kind of story from their past. It could be ex-lovers, disinterested parents, bad friends, drug habits even. Once while discussing the type of guy we fall for a friend of mine declared that her type was the loser . Its not much of a surprise when you know that women do have a nurturing tendency and this type just draws you in. Also, remember that boys rarely feel bad for themselves. They dust themselves and walk away from whatever it is that got them down. So us wasting time going... "awww.. but he is that way because so and so did so and so in the past" is the biggest waste of our time ever. Don't give him a patient hearing. Ask him to man up. Don't bother with his sob stories.  Definitely don't take chicken soup to his house if he comes down with one of his man colds. Where are his guy friends for crying out loud?

2. Do not date damaged goods. Its going to take while to realize that he is damaged goods. But what I am saying is if he is the brooding intellectual, moody genius, angry young man... stay clear - unless you liked Jennifer O' Connolly's life in A Beautiful Mind. Unless the guy makes you laugh and brightens up your day he is really not worth holding on to - even for another second.

3. You are NOT going to change him. So when he says he is a bastard repeatedly - take him at face value. Its his way of saying - I am a bastard and nothing will make me change, not even you. Kiss him on his cheeks and take your heart and run!

4. Finally be honest about what you want. If you want a relationship - let him know. If you see his knees visibly shaking you will know what to do. If you want to see where it goes- let him know that too.. men probably love girls like you. If you just wanna have fun - make sure you take every precaution in the world. Physically and emotionally!

5. If you are looking for your Prince then kiss all the frogs you want. But remember if all you seem to come across are toads you are probably in the wrong pond!

I am no expert by any standards but if I had to one day tell my daughter really quickly the lessons I learned after 7 years of dating this is what I would tell her.


Saturday, March 5, 2011

Love Deficit

I have come to realize of late that no amount of love is ever enough from the people you are attached to. Every relationship functions on this basic notion of a love deficit. Sometimes we play the giver and sometimes the taker. Dynamics change and the form of expressing love changes but the trade of love and affection continues and in its constant ebb and flow keeps a relationship alive. By these standards I am definitely in the Greece category.

Like every trade we keep our little brown book of numbers. Times someone hurt us or didn't live up to our expectations go in red and times when we were swept off our feet go in green. However, unlike all other accounts these numbers never balance each other out. Some remain in the green no matter how little trade there is and some... Sometimes the account closes abruptly when someone defaults. Sometimes we learn not to trade with these people or live in hope of evening out this default someday. 

I feel very blessed to have the love accounts I have. Strangely, though I always feel like I need more and more love I have come to realize that the people in my life who matter are currently all in green. Time to stop being a net importer and start exporting I guess :) 

Thursday, March 3, 2011

25 Things My Friends Know About Me

I am turning 25 soon! Just did this on a whim... 


1. I got my hair completely curled at the age of 5 - it was my birthday gift that year. I dont know why my mom allowed it.

2. I went to boarding school from the age of 4-15. Now the hair curling doesnt seem so shocking.

3. I have taken rabies shots without being bitten. Twice!

4. I still havent had my eyebrows done.

5. I can cook and I am a terror once I am in the kitchen.

6. The only place that I am completely at peace is my parents home.

7. I could speak 4 languages by the age of 4.

8. I was a really precocious reader and was reading Victor Hugo when I was 13. Lawrence Sanders at 11.

9. I lie about not having read Mills and Boons.

10. I love sports. I eat, sleep, dream and drink sports. If I am out of touch with sports for too long my energies find lots of destructive channels.

11. I had a horrible adolescence. I hated every moment of it and wouldnt give anything to go back.

12. I love reading. I actually set OKR's for myself when it comes to reading and have always exceeded them.

13. I want to go pick up my child from school at the end of the day and wear cotton sarees and buy her chat and drive back hearing her talk non-stop. (not in the next 8 years)

14. My ambitions have been- Miss Universe, Prime Minister, Archeologist, Pilot, Neurosurgeon, Anything, Something.

15. I love studying. I studied pure science in high school and loved calculus. I appeared for the AFMC (Armed Forces Medical College) examinations twice and didnt make it.

16. I am pretty vindictive and never forget anything. I am trying to get over that for the last 10 years.

17. I am a complete bengali at heart and love sad movies, sad songs, sad stories, fish and rice.

18. I never learn from my mistakes.

19. I was named after both my grandmoms - Gita and Anjali. I really like my name.

20. I miss my school days a lot- from the first day in school to the thursday and sunday lunches to the music times and the tuck time and the walks and the bornfires and last dinners and packing to go home.

21. I have been referred to as a "walking talking bundle of inappropriateness." I am. And I am trying to work on that too.

22. I was OCD'd as a kid and once took 3 hours to put on a pair of socks. My dad thinks I have graduated from socks to shoes nowadays.

23. I am sure I would be really happy with nothing to do in my life.

24. I love my teeth.

25. I have a whole lists of things that annoy me and a list of people I want to kill. Both of them are not yet exhaustive :)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Uprooted No More

Is how I am beginning to feel now. After two months of coasting along different cities and houses and couches I am beginning to feel a lot more rooted. Its a feeling I never associate myself with after the last 4 years of my life. I know that this is another short-lived stint in a new city but I am embracing it for now.

Other news: a very close friend of mine is probably going to make it to this country. It is all very very exciting. I am already planning parties in my head.

A lot has happened in the last two months some of which I still need time to think and assimilate. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not the girl in this ad but I am still pretty cool! 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Where I End

Over a cup of mosambi juice we discussed everything from soulless jobs to life long dreams and politics. The Indian monsoon, our catalyst, thrust us into a deep chemical reaction that made night and day one and wreaked utter havoc on our subconscious and conscious minds. 

In one dark room in the heat of summer we spend hours trying to unfold the mystery we found in each other. They were months of fevered desire that made it difficult to remember where everything began. They were times that made us lose all interest in life and all motivation because we found so much contentment that we couldn't contain without making place for it by destroying something else. So we destroyed all the past and began from scratch. Times when meeting friends for lunch seemed like foreplay because it teased out all the moments we would rather spend just with each other. Times when we knew that nothing would ever equal or come close to equaling what our bodies and minds were going through and yet we dove into the abyss relentlessly.  

A friend once told me that Native Americans always left a tiny flaw in their handmade jewelry. This saved the jewelry from the wrath of God's because only God was allowed to create perfection. I know that God does not create perfection because he created you. Remember that time I said - to me you are perfection? I lied. I meant to me you are perfectly flawed. To me you are where I began and where I end.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Thorn Birds

This is something I wrote a while back. I came across it today and I think I want to save it. 


Today was the day I learned to love. Never before did I understand or know that it would mean so much. But, today I understand that it was the best thing that happened to me.

They say that the thorn bird does not sing its sweetest song till the day it finds the thorn bush in which it can entangle itself and die. I am that bird.

I dont need to know that you will be there.. you will. I have felt you, in my dreams lying on my pillow. I have felt your breath down my neck though you were a thousand miles from me. I know that you and me together are more than just a memory.

And I will sing my sweetest song. Not for you alone, but because it makes me happy that you were the one who brought the song to my lips.

I knew not what I was capable of giving, bearing, holding.. till you showed me. Now I am a woman and so much more woman than I would ever be had you not met me. I will not miss you because you are me and I am you.. and I know that you will take care of me...

Friday, February 11, 2011

Lost in Transition

Since December 29, 2010, here are the places I have been:

1. Princeton, NJ
2. Manhattan, NY
3. Berkeley, CA
4. SF, 1886 Market @ Guerrero 
5. SF, 635 Minna St (after which I returned to NY)
6. Mont Clair, VA (after which I returned to NY again)
7. Falls Church, VA

I was supposed to somehow fit in the Boston but I decided to flake. 

So it won't come as a surprise that a few nights back I had a dream that I was back in my boarding school preparing for a basketball meet. However, I had no recollection of where I had slept the nights before. My teacher kept asking me for an address and I didn't have one. I was just lost. That sums up a lot of what I am feeling right now. In all my life I haven't changed as many beds as I did in the last one month. 

However, last night I finally ventured out into the suburban wilderness. My friend recommended this really nice Peruvian place for dinner thats 10 mins walking distance from my house and I decided to go there. Then stopped by and got some tea at Caribou Coffee. Caribou is quickly becoming a favourite of mine. I sometimes take my laptop and go work there. It has more character than most average coffee places in the US. It also has an uber cute barista who I think is from Turkey. 

O! Did I mention that I have a job that allows me to work from anywhere I want? Initially I was really skeptical but now I feel very Carrie Bradshaw-esque ala Sex and the City. Except I still need to find two GF's who are extremely sexually liberated and one who is a whore. I do have two really nice GF's in town who I intend to go watch a movie with over the weekend. 

O! Did I mention my tresses are gone? I still have to run my hands through to remind myself... 


Thursday, February 3, 2011

What it means to be a Bangali...

A big part of being Bengali is being from the most progressive part of India. The first Indian women college graduates were from Calcutta. The first women doctors also from Bengal. All but one of India's Noble Laureates are from Bengal. As much as we try to be humble its hard to ignore the heritage that is such a perfect mix of history, culture and progression. 


Whether a Calcuttan admits it or not a big part of being Bengali is knowing what Marxism really means. Quite possibly the worlds longest surviving Marxist regime for close to 4 uninterrupted decades now - Bengal is hard baked against anti-communist propaganda. The red flags all over the state don't surprise any Bengali. I think it would be really surprising to go home to not find these flags. We take strikes and bandhs for granted. In fact back in school we just called it a holiday. All I am saying is that there is a reason that many people prefer Bengal as a place to retire. I am looking forward to seeing how the latest battle plays out. 


Food!!! The more the better. Calcutta is the food capital of India. Nowhere else in India will you find the same variety of Indian and international cuisine - a colonial heritage. Bengali's live to eat and not the other way around. Fish, spices and sweets. Ask any Indian and they will concur. Rarely will a Bengali woman who is not slightly chubby be considered beautiful. 


Emotions :( Yes we react and overreact. Bengali's are surrounded by emotional and sentimental people. Always suspect the Bengali that doesn't overreact. 


Melancholy - Don't roll your eyes and act like its untrue. You know the movies we love the most are the saddest ones. The books we recommend - also sad. Our favourite music - hella sad! We truly understand what Wordsworth meant when he said "... In that sweet mood when pleasant thoughts bring sad thoughts to the mind." I think we got it the other way around though. 


Adda - There is no good translation for this. It is basically a chat. Of course this comes with endless cups of tea and pakoras... nom nom and PNPC (Para ninde para charcha.) 


Sound of ghungroos and raga's in the evening. If you grew up in Bengal you know that the smell of Dhuno in the evening is accompanied by that of Shankha and girls practicing their ragas or Bharatnatyam or Kathak. 

Finally as Vir Sanghvi said "But if you want a city with a soul: come to Calcutta ." 

Monday, January 31, 2011

New York - January 30, 2011

One day later - still flying

Good God?

I was born Hindu and raised Catholic and had a tonne of Muslim friends. What does that do to someone's conscience? If you ask me I would say - it F(*&s you up! Let me explain why:

In Hinduism there is no concept of heaven or hell. Sex is great.. we even have a manual to help you if you aren't too happy in that department. We were one of the first countries to have natural contraceptives, though our population is a thorough question mark on that discovery. We think child marriage is fine but not widow remarriage. Our God's have had pre-marital and extra marital affairs. Some of our great epic figures are born illegitimate. Stripping has been a common theme since Mahabharata. Our temples are adorned with naked and half naked women dancing. So really compared to Catholicism we are just a religion on a constant overdose of Viagra.

Now Catholicism. You mate to pro-create. You do not use contraceptives because that just means you are a murderer (regardless of whether you have a child at 16 that you cant support.) Affairs of any kind are bad. You should feel constant guilt whether you do something or you don't. No seriously, there is a prayer that goes "... I have sinned through my own faults. In my thoughts and in my words. In what I have done and in what I have failed to do." See the obvious genius of it?

That leaves someone like me very very confused. So if I was supposed to meet guests at home for lunch and instead ended up meeting a friend who is dear to me what should I feel guilty about.. what I did or what I didn't do? Turns out - both! I have been battling with this feeling of intense guilt for so long about so many things that don't even matter. I just want to be that girl who genuinely doesn't give a tiny rats ass but damn (?) that conscience. 

Thursday, January 27, 2011

What brings on the blues?

Lately, in spite of not being under optimum conditions I have been very optimistic. Its strange but I think its human nature. Its like a survival mechanism - similar to you forgetting some of the sad incidents in your life and selectively remembering the happier ones better. But, I was not always like this. So what were/are the things that make me sad?

Right on the top of my list is a love story with a lot of potential that does not go anywhere. Nothing pains my heart to see all that time, energy and happiness end. This could be for me personally or my friends. I like to believe that I can understand almost any kind of heartbreak and can definitely give you very good bad advice if you come to me. I can make the best drinking companion or just someone who will keep you busy and your mind occupied.

Another thing that really makes me sad is having expectations dashed. This is one thing I just don't know how to deal with. I remember as a child I was really looking forward to playing tennis one Saturday because the guy I had a crush on would see how much better my serve was. He would of course then proceed to mock me which I would secretly enjoy. However, my dad came home and declared that he didn't feel up to it. I was never very good at pushing my agenda so I let it be. But a part of me really dies everytime I build up scenarios in my head and they are crushed before their fruition. Another incident that comes to mind was fairly recent. It was going to be one of those last dinners in a romantic restaurant before we saw each other again. I wanted to wear a very pretty yellow dress because he loves the colour yellow. I had it all planned. However, last minute he wanted to go shopping for gifts. By the time we came back it was too late to change and we just got in the cab and left. It was such a small thing but just the fact that I ended up going to dinner in worn out jeans and a shabby sweatshirt made me so mad I had two drinks to calm me down.

Nothing makes me more mad than someone asking me to do something. This could be as trivial as making me drink water, or making me wear something I don't want to wear. Ask my mother what a tantrum I used to throw as a kid when asked to do something. I think being a contrarian has a huge role to play in this. The minute someone tells me to do something - I either stop (if I was midway,) or I completely ignore what is being said. There is one exception - my job. I will listen to every detailed instruction when I am at work.

People who ask me to come back to reality - Here is what I have to say to you: I see how miserable most of you are. Can you please just let me be?

Music snobs, intellectual snobs, fashion snobs, political snobs - Gave me goosebumps just typing this!

People who asked me whether I was older than J - Umm first - get glasses. Secondly, none of your damn business. Thirdly - I get that I may look older than someone who is 26 but what I don't get is how you can think or say things that make you seem younger than 6!

Not exercising - Haven't we all been there?  K= 1/2mv or e=mc2. For me its all the way downhill when I have too much energy and too little to do.

PMS - No explanation required.

P.S. I feel particularly light after writing this post. Maybe someday there will be a sequel because this list is not exhaustive!


Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Movies I love and Why

Memoirs of a Geisha - It was the first time I watched a movie with a guy (who was bored out of his wits.) I loved the movie because I watched it right after I read the book. True story - I met the guy on a train while I was reading the book and then on our second date we went and watched this movie.

Hum- It was the first movie I watched on big screen. I cried, wailed but nothing would get me out of the big, black hole with huge bollywood stars dancing every few minutes. Very painful and memorable.

Mr and Mrs Iyer - The movie that drove home to me the abomination violence really is. Very well made. The locales were very familiar to me. Quintessentially a cross-over movie with great understated characters. I love Rahul Bose and the fact that in the movie he was a photographer won it a great many brownie points.

Love Actually - Amazing! Enough said.

Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - The Indian saga that at some point or the other had every one of the 1.17 billion crazy about at least one character in the film. Dont deny it! The songs, Rani's lil skirts, SRK in the rain (mmm delish) and Kajol in her sarees. So so unforgettable.

Silence of the Lambs - First watched it when I was 5 and found it disturbing. Of course since I was in India it was heavily edited so I missed most of the real parts. Watched it again last year and could not sleep for a couple of nights only.

This next one is random:

Mummy (pt 3): loved this movie for reasons the director would never be able to guess. Went to watch it at 9 in the morning on a Sunday with a bunch of friends and one special friend. Movie was so bad but I will never forget laughing so hard that it made it worth the 2hrs and $4 that we spend on it :)

Kung Fu Panda - There is no price for awesomeness!

All Quentin Tarantino movies for obvious reasons

Vicky Christina Barcelona - Such a good sketch of life as we know it.

Amores Perros - Will never get this movie out of my head. Had to go for a stroll and drinks after this movie.

Wall-E - Awwww... (its the only time in my blog I am allowed to say this.)

Shrek - Awww... (ok so this is the last time.)

Namesake - Watched this movie with my mom and it changed my perception of so many things that we take for granted in life. Probably the only movie that is better than the book. Such natural actors and so well picked. Once again the characters were very close to home and that made it special. For anyone looking for an intelligent film that does not leave you exhausted and drained - don't think twice.













Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Gitanjali vs Gigi

Gitanjali:  I just want to go home and live with my parents.
Gigi: I have to find a job and make it on my own dammit!

Gitanjali: I hate drinking.
Gigi: I normally don't drink Cabernet from the bottle but today...

Gitanjali: I want to nest. Have my own house, cat, husband, babies, walk-in closet and cooking range
Gigi: I can't decide whether I want to be in DC or Delhi, SF or Bangalore. In fact right now homelessness sounds dandy!

Gitanjali: I feel at peace, connected to the One, ready to share my joy!
Gigi: Peace, joy, the One!! What were your parents on when they had you?!

Gitanjali: There can be no movie better than Love Actually ever!
Gigi: Kill Bill - O! yeah!

Gitanjali: I need a massage, a haircut and a good vegetarian brunch.
Gigi: I need a drink. Make that two!

Enough said.


Saturday, January 22, 2011

People Who Made Me What I am

1. My Mom - She is insane. No, I am serious. Thanks to her I had to develop a sense of humor to survive. I learned the art of self defense didn't always have to be violent. I learned that cooking is the best and most unconditional thing you can do for someone else. I also learned that a smile can get you places :)

2. My Dad - He wasn't around all that much after I turned 16. But he shows me everyday what unconditional love and faith is. He makes most of my mistakes seem trivial even if they are blunders. He can forgive me for anything. He hates boys who come near me and my sister and has on certain occasions threatened to shoot them. We love him, our BF's not so much. He is a true model of self sacrifice and patience - though he is on pressure meds.

3. Miss Clarence - In first grade I was deaf because of my tonsils. I recovered in the second grade. However I never reached my true potential till 5th grade when MS Clarence first allowed me to speak in public. After that there was no looking back. My confidence grew manifold and I never shivered while speaking in public. Sometimes I prefer speaking to a room full of people rather than one person across the table.

4. My Sister (Pushpi) - She came into my life when I was 6. I remember my Mom being really big and me being embarrassed about her coming to my boarding school to drop me off. I asked her not to. Then this cute, angelic, burping and farting baby came into my life. I used to be a sulky only child. The slightest things would agitate me and I could go for days without speaking to people I was angry with. But once my sister was born all I had to do was run to her crib whenever I was angry. I would wake her up and make her cry but she loved me. I was underweight and she was overweight - a huge problem when I tried carrying her. Sometimes I would hand her a begging bowl and pretend that I was pushing her around asking for alms. It always cracked me up because she was conditioned to this one song (Buddham Sharanah Gachchami) and would automatically start begging when I sang it. Once my Mom caught me and to my great relief joined in the act. Pushpi brought so much happiness into my life and still is the one person who can make me laugh and cry most intensely. My Dad won't admit it to me but my sister has him on a really tight leash :)

4. Neville - He was a couple of years older than me. We met and met again. Each time we met I thought it was for the last time. Then came the day when it really was for the last time. Our time together was a roller-coaster. On the one hand he boosted my self worth and then singlehandedly diminished it again. But I grew up so fast. I learned so many new things. I don't particularly wish the same thing on me again. But he did show me for the first time what people meant when they said - I love you!

5. Farheen, Deenaz and Megan - My besties at work. People I could say anything to and not be judged (well most of the time.) In their defense I could say some pretty shocking things. Farheen - ever sensible showed me what professionalism meant. She was my support system through some really hard times. Deenaz - closer to my personality. We did all the fun things dance, go out, meet new people, drink.. you get the picture. Megan - such a bag of surprises. Made me laugh at some of the most outrageous things. Closet comedienne and flaming socialite (she won't admit to this one.) Has a husband and a dog :)

6. Jayadev - I know, I know you have been waiting for this one! I don't know how to describe him other than to say he is perfect to a fault. His hair is styled with painful attention to detail - it takes him an hour to get dressed. His every word in an email is read over and over again to the point that you think he is writing to the Prime Minister - turns out he is framing a reply for some random mail on the misc-india or misc-hyd mailing list. All of you who have ever read an email from him know what I am talking about. He runs every morning. He has the best posture in the world. Every step of the way he makes me feel inadequate and flawed. Except that (at least I think so) he has eyes for no one else :) His sense of humour though initially hidden is outrageous. For anyone who doesn't believe me ask him to do his Borat impression. Still can't understand what he thinks I am!

7. Devin - Just someone who has a lot of faith in me.. once said I should run a small country.

8. Alice - Showed me how friendship was possible between two very different people. I can't begin to state the differences. Always the hostess with the mostest. A perfectionist in everything and one of the most beautiful people I know. My life in Monterey would have been very different if not for her.

9. Elizabeth - A friend who is now engaged to be married. Someone I will always be grateful to for the first few days in the US. She was the best representative for this country!

10. Vasini and Shivani - Partners in crime :)

11. Dr Gita Sen - Inspiration!

There are people whose name I haven't mentioned here. Mostly because words just don't do them any justice. I am so lucky to have you all in my life. I learn something new from you everyday!

xoxo